Because.... I Said So!!

OK, hmmmm have you ever said that to your child? Well, I guess sometimes we feel we don't have to give a reason? Nothing wrong with that, but if you say that a lot, you may be triggering defiant behavior:

• by trying to control excessively
• by trying too hard to maintain peace
• by not setting appropriate limits due to being afraid of potential legal consequences

We have all made these mistakes, but hey, that's life. We learn from them!

THE DEFIANT PARENT

Perfection, perfection... Not only do they tell their children what to do, they tell them how to do it, too! This type of parenting likes to micromanage. This is a tough one.. You probably have done this before, but really didn't think much of it. So, you have your child sweep the floor and he does an "OK" job (leaves a little in the corners, etc.)... Didn't think that it was a big deal to correct them? Well, it's really best not to correct them all the time. Maybe just say, "Wow, you did a great job with sweeping. Would you sweep one more area for me (point out the corners)?" Then, they don't think they did something wrong - they did a great job and you want them to do more! This approach seems to work well... Now with some children (my son for example), did things fast and quick on purpose (a little lazy), it's OK to ask them to go back over it one more time (especially if they're old enough to know better!)...

THE PEACEMAKER PARENT

Are you the type that let's your child get away with murder?! They start screaming/yelling and you give in? This will only get worse! Have you ever noticed with dogs that if they whine outside the door and you let them in, they'll do it again? That's what defiant children do? Hey, if you're going to give them what they want with no consequences, why not? Defiant children are willing to escalate the process until you can't stand it anymore. Put your foot down and set some rules with clear consequences!

THE APPREHENSIVE PARENT

Are you afraid to discipline for fear that others will see it as child abuse? Some parents are even afraid to do a simple time-out! With so many kids knowing about CPS (Child Protective Services), it's scary to think that your child may threaten you. This happened to a friend of mine. She did something really funny (and by the way, she is in no way abusive!), she told her son that if he was going to call, then he may as well pack his bags. He became confused. She said, "Well, you will be leaving here and living with another family, so you may want to get your things together." Funny, he never mentioned it again. If you are unsure on how to properly discipline your child, seek a counselor's advice.

Love and patience is what we all need... I hope that this posting helps you in some way.. :o)