Is Your Child A Defiant Child Or Maybe Inflexible?

Good question! Here are a few characteristics of defiant children:

1) Not their fault (blind to their role in a problem). Not only can they not see how they are acting, they are convinced that people around them are the ones causing the problem intentionally.
2) Control, control.. More than other kids, they crave it. They will do just about anything even if it produces the opposite result - they want the control.
3) Socially exploitive. Quick to notice how others respond and to use those responses to their advantage in both social and family environments.
4) Negativity. They seem to thrive on conflict, anger, and negativity from others. They'll win most times in escalating battles of negativity.

If none of those characteristics we've listed above describe your child, maybe he/she is just an "inflexible child." Hey, we had one of those! :o)

Inflexible children want things to be the same because routine provides them with safety, predictability, control, and freedom from anxiety. These children often don't appear to learn from consequences. Boy, this was our daughter! You could put her in a time out, take toys away, and after being released from time out, would often engage in the same behavior shortly after!

So what can you do? Well, good behavior needs to be practiced. For example, a math teacher urges her students to know their multipication tables. What do they do? They practice it over and over again. Let's try that with our children. So, when your child is having one of his "moments", explain tho him that his behavior is telling you that he needs help changing the way he acts. Have your child practice the behavior you want - repeatedly.. Here's an example - your child gets up from the dinner table rushed and loud. What do you do? See below:

• Show him how to get out of the chair quietly
• Push the chair up to the table
• Walk your dishes over to the sink (if you want them to)
• Walk quietly to their room or family room

I'll be the first to tell you - yes, you will receive complaints. Your child will have to do this a dozen times before it becomes routine. If you stay the course, eventually your child will get it down. If he refuses to practice this, you might want to put him in a time out until he's ready to do this important practice. He will understand then that you mean business. Every day, work on this until it becomes routine.

I hope this helps your family. It did mine! If you have more than one child, have them all practice at the same time (if necessary).